There are threats unknown to the Bush administration

Our hidden cameras have documented the presence of mutant life forms bent on our subjugation. Wily and secretive, they are difficult to study, but we report our preliminary findings here in order that you may be alert to signs of their presence in your homes, too.

There appear to be two distinct types. One has pink skin and from zero to four appendages, which we have codenamed Bulge, MoleRat and Tripod. MoleRats, although blind, are the most mobile. They may communicate with their sighted cohorts for directions.



Tripods are sighted, but less mobile than MoleRats. They achieve locomotion by balancing on what appears to be a pointed abdomen and swing their "legs" forward or back. They are able to turn in limited fashion, but attempts to do more than about 30 degrees cause them to fall and thrash about violently until aided by allies.



MoleRats and Tripods seem to take direction from Bulge, who appears incapable of locomotion, but whose vision is hyperacute. Presumably the need for motion is obviated by the ministrations of the less senior members of the cohort, namely Tripods and MoleRats, although this has not been verified. There is some debate among researchers as to whether Bulge is equipped with night-vision goggles or is just a fashion victim.



These are the three skin-clad life forms under study at this time. Please report sightings and document their activity. Your cooperation is vital to understanding and neutralizing this threat to our way of life!

TOMORROW: The Hirsute Henchmen